One of you has sent the link twice. The other said sure, maybe, and hasn't opened it. The first may be hurt, and may take it to mean the other has given up. The second may feel pressed, and may not have given up at all. I've been getting help on my own. I do want this to be better.
This page is for both of you, and it will not help either of you persuade the other.
01
To the one who wants it
Wanting help is not the same as caring more. It may only mean you are the one who reaches for help when things are hard.
Not wanting it is not the same as not caring. There may be a reason, and it may be an ordinary one.
02
To the one who doesn't
You may have good reasons. It costs money. You have done things like this before and been the one who was told to change. You are a private person. You think the two of you can work it out yourselves.
Any of those is an ordinary reason and not a rule.
03
What may also be under it
For some people there is something more under the reluctance. Two possibilities, among others.
"Being wrong isn't a mistake. It feels like a verdict."
Sitting in front of a third person may feel like waiting to be told you are the one at fault. The fear is that if you are wrong about this, what else are you wrong about.
Read about Right →"Strong is the only version of me they know."
Talking about it in front of someone may mean being seen not coping. The fear is that if they see you struggle, you lose the only standing you have.
Read about Strong →Which is harder to have people see: that you got it wrong, or that you're struggling? Got it wrong is the Right answer. Struggling is the Strong answer.
That question is for the reluctant one to ask themselves, if they want to. It is not for the other to ask on their behalf. If it sorts nothing, there is not enough to tell, or the reason was one of the plain ones.
04
How the two of you can lock on this
One asks. The other delays. The asking gets more urgent, and the delay gets longer. The asking may have something under it too, such as Chosen, where the fear is that if you are not selected, you were not enough to select, or Ahead, where the fear is that if you stop managing, something goes wrong again. It may be neither, and wanting help may be all it is.
That may be the same loop you have about everything else, now running on the subject of getting help. Subtraction would treat it as one more scene.
05
What the options are
Most of this section is written for two people. One partner can still read it alone, and The Pursuer and the Withdrawer gives each partner a question of their own.
It does not decide who is right. Project Gina says it isn't for a partner who wants to prove the other wrong.
Nobody can be made to want this. A person who comes because they were worn down is not really there.
If either of you is afraid of what the other will do, this page does not apply.The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233. If tonight is an emergency, call or text 988 (US). This library is not that door.
Why the session is built for two is on Why We See You Together.