Core wounds: 9 common rules of worth and safety

Start with what you notice. Find the one that sounds like you.

You finish everything and still feel behind. A quiet weekend makes you restless, and resting comes with guilt.That may be the Output ruleWhat it says will happenIf I stop producing, I'll find out I was never worth anything on my own.
A slow text reply sends you spinning. You need reassurance even when everything is fine.That may be the Chosen ruleWhat it says will happenIf I stop making myself the obvious one, I'll be passed over.
You take care of everyone, then resent it. When someone solves their own problem, you feel strangely hollow.That may be the Needed ruleWhat it says will happenIf they stop needing me, there's no reason for me to be here.
You rehearse arguments that haven't happened. Being corrected in front of others makes your face go hot.That may be the Right ruleWhat it says will happenIf I'm wrong about this, it won't be something I did. It'll be something I am.
You turn down help, even when you need it. Being cared for feels uncomfortable, almost suffocating.That may be the Burden ruleWhat it says will happenIf I ask for anything, I'll owe them, and I'll have become a weight.
You say yes, then resent it. A sigh in the next room can ruin your afternoon.That may be the Peace ruleWhat it says will happenIf I let someone be upset, it falls apart.
You always feel behind and can't slow down. An unplanned afternoon sets off a hum of urgency.That may be the Ahead ruleWhat it says will happenIf I let myself fall behind, it'll hit me before I see it coming.
People call you strong when you're exhausted. You hide when you're struggling, and cry only alone.That may be the Strong ruleWhat it says will happenIf they see me struggle, they'll see I was never who they thought.
You're still working for one person's approval. You meet their standard and feel nothing.That may be the Approval ruleWhat it says will happenIf I stop trying to earn it from them, I'll never get it, and it'll be final.

Read this first

Behavior alone cannot prove a rule. The same visible strategy can serve several rules, and most people are running more than one. Treat each of these as a hypothesis, not a verdict. Subtraction tests which one survives your evidence, and it has to be allowed to conclude that none of them fit.

To find yours

Take three moments that cost you something, from different parts of life. Not three fights with the same person.
In each, ask: what would have happened if I had not done the protective thing?
The answer your body gives, before your head edits it, is the rule talking.
Check it against all three. If it only explains one, keep looking, or look for a second rule.

A tenth, under research

Unseen (worth = taking up no space) may be distinct from Strong. We are not publishing it as a core rule until the distinction is resolved.

Keep reading

The processWhat is subtraction?How Project Gina tests a rule against your evidence instead of guessing.The processRule vs. protective strategyWhy "I'm a people-pleaser" may not be the root.LibraryProtective strategiesWhat you do to stay safe, and the rules underneath.

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Read this first

To find yours

A tenth, under research

The nine rules as a map, not a menu

Keep reading