This page is about you, the parent. It doesn't tell you what your child feels or needs.
01
What you might notice
- You stay calm for a while, then snap all at once.
- Your child being upset feels like an emergency you have to stop.
- You feel guilty after, and promise yourself next time will be different.
02
What your reaction may be protecting
Two common reasons:
- Needing everyone to be okay. When your child is upset, it feels like proof you did something wrong. You need it to stop.
- Needing to be needed. Being the one who fixes it is where you feel like a good parent. When you can't fix it, you feel lost.
03
The ordinary explanation
Parents are tired. Sleep loss, stress and no help make anyone short-tempered. Sometimes that's the whole story.
04
One question that helps tell
"If they were completely happy and didn't need you at all, how does that land?" If you feel relieved, it may be about needing everyone to be okay. If it feels empty, it may be more about needing to be needed.
There may not be enough to tell yet.
05
What you can try
In the next hard moment, before you say anything, put one hand on your own chest and take one slow breath. Then say only what your child needs to hear. Notice what you felt in that first second.