There is a resignation letter in your drafts folder. It has been there for two years. You tell friends you are looking. Every Sunday night you decide, and every Monday you go in. People tell me I could just leave, and I've got a list of reasons why I can't.
Many reasons for staying in a job are plain facts, such as money or the lack of another offer, and this page has no view on whether you ought to go.
01
What you do about the job
You may have a cycle.
Something happens and you are finished with the place. You look at listings and reread your resume. Then the week improves, or a deadline arrives, or someone thanks you, and the letter stays where it is.
You complain to the same two people. You count the years.
People ask why you don't just leave.
Staying can cost you years. So can leaving badly. What may cost most is the cycle, deciding and undeciding every week.
02
What the staying may be protecting
"If I'm not producing, I don't know who I am."
The job may be how you know who you are. Under Output, leaving with nothing lined up means a stretch with no title and nothing produced.
Read about Output →"Stillness is where it catches me."
Leaving may mean not being able to see what comes after. Under Ahead, a job you dislike and understand may feel safer than one you can't predict.
Read about Ahead →"If everyone is okay, then I'm okay."
Leaving may disappoint people. Under Peace, the boss, the team, or your family being let down may weigh more than your own weeks. I was afraid of disappointing everybody.
Read about Peace →These are not the full list, and none may be yours.
03
What is under the rule
Under Output, the fear may be that without achievement you don't matter. What would answer it is worth that doesn't require performance.
Under Ahead, the fear may be that if you stop managing, something goes wrong again. What would answer it is safety that doesn't require vigilance.
Under Peace, the fear may be that someone's disappointment means you did something wrong. What would answer it is being able to disappoint someone and still be alright.
04
Three questions, in order
First, for Output and Ahead. Is the problem that you're not producing, or that you're not covered?
Ask it about the first month after you left.
Not producing is the Output answer. Not covered is the Ahead answer.
Second, for Output and Peace. If you stopped and nobody was upset at all, would you be alright?
Yes is the Peace answer. No, it is the stopping, is the Output answer.
Third, for Peace and Ahead. Are you watching for someone getting upset, or for something going wrong?
Someone getting upset is the Peace answer. Something going wrong is the Ahead answer.
If the three sort nothing, there is not enough to tell yet. That is a result.
A great deal of staying is not a rule. Needing the paycheck is a fact, and money questions may be better taken to a financial counselor than to this page. So is a thin job market. If you are being mistreated at work, that is a fact about the workplace and not about you. For Ahead, the check is whether the caution continues when things are stable.
The questions are subtraction. They don't tell you whether to leave. They narrow down what may have been deciding for you.
05
One thing to try this week
Write this sentence and finish it three different ways: If I left, the first thing that would happen is.
Write quickly and don't correct them.
Look at the three endings and see whether they are about you, about risk, or about other people.
What the weekly version of this is like is on The Sunday Dread.