You may have been asked about your parents more than once. You may have a well-worked account of what your parents did and did not do. It may be fair. It has not changed what happens on a Wednesday evening when someone is short with you. It's like rehashing the past all the time.
That is a choice about method. It says nothing either way about your family.
01
Explanation is not accusation
Saying that a rule was learned is a general statement about how rules get there. It does not say that whoever was around at the time did anything wrong.
A condition can be picked up in a home where nobody did anything wrong: from what got praised, from what kept things calm, from what a tired household needed. It can be picked up outside the home entirely, at a school, on a team, in a first job, or in one hard year.
02
Why the method leaves fault alone
It doesn't need it. A rule is found from present scenes, and who taught it is not one of the questions.
Fault is also an explanation that can't be tested or set aside. It may be true, and it tends to be where the inquiry stops.
And it is not this library's place. What you feel about your parents, and what you do about it, is yours. Nothing here tells you to forgive anyone, to confront anyone, or to be in touch or out of touch.
03
One example
Someone still measures every success by whether one parent would be impressed. It would be easy to make the parent the subject.
The method keeps to the person. Is there one specific person whose verdict runs this, or is it anyone who might pick you? One person, someone you can name, is the Approval answer. Anyone is the Chosen answer.
If Approval is what survives, the fear is that without their verdict you don't know what you are worth, and what would answer it is an internal measure that doesn't require ratification. Neither depends on deciding what kind of parent that was.
Wanting someone's respect is also ordinary. For Approval, the check is disproportion and duration.
04
Where this stops
None of this says that nothing bad happened. If what happened in your family was harm, it was harm, and saying so is not blame. That belongs with a licensed clinician, and licensed mental-health care is the right door.If tonight is an emergency, call or text 988 (US). This library is not that door.
Subtraction has a narrower job, which is what is running now, if anything. It may find that there is not enough to tell.
What the method does assume about how rules begin is on Where Rules Come From.